pervy snape-fancier

Disclaimer: Do not take too seriously; I am not necessarily saying the fics in question are bad ones. Sometimes they are horrible, but more often they are just mediocre, and sometimes quite okay, but they all had something in their summaries that I found goofy, misused, or amusing in some other way.

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Hermione and Draco are head boy and girl. Draco shows his other side.

"Ooh... nice ass, Malfoy!"

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Songfic. Gloomy Sunday Billie Holiday version . Sirius is dead, and Harry longs to be with him. Slash directly stated. M just in case. Depression, character death, suicide, depression, etc.

Also angst, depression, ennui, unhappiness, and depression. Written by Marvin. (Fanfic, don't talk to me about fanfic...)

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She didn't know that she would ever be called back, didn't know that her grandmother's status would ever come back and reflect upon her and she certainly didn't know that she could enthrall the Queen's Hound.

Snausages: works every time.

( Read more... )

1. I thought Potions was twice weekly? I don't think I ought to skive off seven out of eight classes.
2. Hell no.
3. Um... I guess this means I'll have to join one of those snake-handling churches.
4. Uh... artisticentropy is pretty okay, I guess?
5. O.O .... HELL no! This script clearly doesn't know who it's dealing with.
6. No thanks. Don't need another fandom. (Although in lowercase this is a type of hawk or falcon, I think, which might be interesting if we're talking about totemism.)

My husband and me, on playing Kingdom Hearts 2 (don't ask about my current screen name):

Stygian says:
and... it's shower time now that I pried myself away from plot.. grrr
stupid fighting alongside mickey, and then fighting alongside Axel, who sacrifices himself for Sora over his boy-love crush on Roxas [tl; dr on the wiki articles: Roxas is a kind of heartless mirror-image of Sora; Axel is a member of an organization devoted to controlling some dark monsters and basically trying to take over everything]

the problem with gourmet poutine says:
lol
trufax
i dunno, axel's kinda grown on me
he's annoying, but charming somehow
like Reno
red hair included

Stygian says:
yeah.. Axel is actually my favorite of the organization.. I mean, he was in the last one too, I think..
although I kind of liked Larxene's attitude..
but Axel is actually likable.. most of theorganization don't have much character development, is part of it.

the problem with gourmet poutine says:
true

Stygian says:
Axel, well, apart from him betraying the rebels, and then betraying the organization when they decide Roxas needs to die to make Sora whole so Sora can kill the heartless so the organization can get to kingdom hearts and all become real.... well, he's also kinda openly gay
probably never consumated, but he's totally in lurve with Roxas.
Roxas makes him feel all warm and squishy inside, as if he might actually be a real person

the problem with gourmet poutine says:
lol.
that couldn't possibly just be platonic?
not that i'm against slash goggles

Stygian says:
I dunno..

the problem with gourmet poutine says:
as you probably know
i'm just saying it's not normally like Disney to imply teh ghey

Stygian says:
Axel looks into Sora's eyes and sighs all dreamily before dying

the problem with gourmet poutine says:
hehehe

Stygian says:
so uhh... Sora = Harry, Roxas = Lily?

the problem with gourmet poutine says:
gawd, i already went there
i refrained from typing "look at me"

Stygian says:
and really, Axel is the double agent, who changes sides to save Roxas..
wowsers.

the problem with gourmet poutine says:
i'd point out his fashion choices but they all wear that uniform
lawl
this is silly, you realise that

Disclaimer: Do not take too seriously; I am not necessarily saying the fics in question are bad ones. Sometimes they are horrible, but more often they are just mediocre, and sometimes quite okay, but they all had something in their summaries that I found goofy, misused, or amusing in some other way.

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Oneshot, Hermione died and somebody has to pick up the pieces.

Since the killer had used liquid nitrogen and a sledgehammer.

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A new Fifth Year Girl has the Marauders of Hogwarts feeling nervous and unsafe. What is it about this new girl that has them feeling this way?

Her .50 Desert Eagle?

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Here is a story about Harry and his life it will be very AU starting in the muggle world. james and lilly are alive but has not raised harry. he was kidnapped by OC and will live with this man for some years. but he will know about magic slash .

He's in for a treat, then, as those of us who already know about magic slash can tell!

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( Read more... )

Quote from a fic (which it seemed at first was kinda trying to be "My Immortal" maybe without knowing that existed, and while it shares some characteristics, is really its own majestic sort of fail):

I entered Snape’s house and saw he was nowhere in sight. At least he wasn’t here. I hated him around no privacy. I sat at my laptop and saw Spade was online.

elethian: Apparently Snape has the internet? [at Spinner's End]
enotsola: Maybe she's pirating wi-fi.
elethian: *sporfle* LOL! from where??
enotsola: ...Starbucks?
elethian: *dies*

Disclaimer: Do not take too seriously; I am not necessarily saying the fics in question are bad ones. Sometimes they are horrible, but more often they are just mediocre, and sometimes quite okay, but they all had something in their summaries that I found goofy, misused, or amusing in some other way.

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(I appear to have lost the link to this one... oops)

Rebecca Johnson is your worst nightmare. Sirius Black is every girl's dream boy. They say that opposites attact... but that's just one part of this couples' story.

elethian: So... Rebecca is the opposite of Sirius? And a Black is the opposite of a Johnson?

enotsola: That's not the way I hear it.

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Hogwarts newest 6th yr isn't all that she seems. Selene and Harry

Ohhhh dear god KILL IT WITH FIRE. Selene Tournetquet, no less. (Hmm, suddenly I have a better idea than fire...)

become best friends and as the year goes on find out about all of Dumbledore's manipulations. Soon Draco and his family will become involved with them. Pairing: Selene/Draco Harry/ secret

Who's strong enough for a man, but made for Harry.

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(please also note the title of this fic: Salviles Severus Salazar Tobias Prince Snape)

This a story about Severus Snape and Febrir Snape's son. Fenrir Grayback is nice and not a werewolf and not a deatheater.

And heck, just not Fenrir Greyback.

Also i change his apprince and personality. He is considered a female so he can bear children like any female.

Wouldn't it have been faster to start from scratch, rather than disassembling an existing character and putting him back together all backwards and upside-down?

( Read more... )

Tomatoes have noses by ~spikeandshay on deviantART

Sorry, this just amused the heck out of me.

(yeah, weekend, since I have three-day weekends through Sept. 11. by force, but I have the vacation to cover it so I don't have to work 10-hour days the rest of the week. yay.)

Disclaimer: Do not take too seriously. I am not necessarily saying the fics in question are bad ones. Sometimes they are horrible, but more often they are just mediocre, and sometimes quite okay, but they all had something in their summaries that I found goofy, misused, or amusing in some other way.

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“Magic Severus, it does wonderful things.”

*blinks* Did fanfiction.net turn into a sex toy shop when I wasn't looking?

(...and do you think they take PayPal?)

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For the summer before 5th year, Severus Snape is sent to Number 5 Privet Dr. to keep an eye on Harry Potter.

Sounds like Mrs. Across-the-Street is in for quite a surprise.

Nothing is more shocking than what he will see when he grudgingly takes this mission.

Then again, maybe it's Severus who's in for one.

( Read more... )

meme via drachenmina:
Take the major fanfic categories and write something for each using ten or fewer words.

Let's give it a go two OTP ways (yes I am definition-fouling like that): ( Read more... )

Stygian says:
BrentSpiner [on Twitter] I'm thinking of marketing a bust of myself. The plaque underneath would read, of course..."GQMF" I think this has gone to my head.
elethian says:
GQMF has a disadvantage of not being pronounceable, though, unlike its cousin BAMF
GQMF excl. The sound you make when you get your sexual organs trapped in an ONTD community.


(I hope Red Dwarf fans, at least, will get it.)

Stygian says:
lol, you're such a ravenclaw

elethian says:
what?
because i counted up stats from 127 fics?
i wasted my time actually! the numbers i got from counting from about 40 fics turned out to be almost the same
that's what prompted me in the first place
but then i thought well what if that's not accurate vs. the whole sample i will eventually take
so i did it again
YOU GOTTA PROBLEM WIDDAT
FUCK YOU SLYTHERIN

Disclaimer: Do not take too seriously. I am not necessarily saying the fics in question are bad ones. Sometimes they are horrible, but more often they are just mediocre, and sometimes quite okay, but they all had something in their summaries that I found goofy, misused, or amusing in some other way.

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Fanfiction is taken from Youtube's YunJae Shattered part's 1-5 by the talented r3dc1nc1n .

Gesundheit.

feel free to go look it up.

I don't think that'll help.

this story is centering around Severus Snap

Oh no he didn't!

as the main character. everything else is up in the air.

Ah, I see: Snaps on a Plan.

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Severus wants Lily to notice him as more than a friend ...Can he make it? EDITING

I know EDITING (!!!) would sure attract me to someone, but I'm a freaky Ravenclaw. If it's Lily he's after, Severus should probably try some other chat-up routine.

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(the story's title)
Well How Did We Get Here?

Letting the days go by? Water flowing underground? My God! What have you done?

I,Lily Luna Potter Am In Love With A Hero.But,I Have Never Heard Of Anyone Falling In Love With A Portrait.

Sir Cadogan Really Is A Nice Fellow, Though. He Certainly Knows How To Treat A Lady. Every So Often We Have A Threesome With Phineas Which I Must Admit Took Me A While To Get Used To, But, Well, Let Me Just Say Slytherins Aren't Associated With Snakes For Nothing.

( Read more... )

Today's amusing spam subject:

Best lovemaking potion ever!

Oh, really?

I think with me you've run up against a higher standard than you're used to, me bucko.

I am not really going to get started on this. For one thing, it is unlikely to be as endless a source of entertainment as summaries are (although I've so tagged this post anyway so I can find it with them). But I was browsing through some Yahoo groups today and came across quite a few ... interesting ... list descriptions. Keep in mind that like my summaries posts, whose source feed from FFN is narrowed considerably by requiring Severus Snape to be selected in one of the two character menus, the keyword here was "Snape", and I'm sure you could find many more both similar and worse if you tried the keyword "Harry Potter".

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Welcome to Potions! I am Severus Snape. I am here to bewitch your mind and ensnare your senses. I can teach you to brew fame, bottle glory and even put a stopper on death. So, are you ready for the challenge? Contact me at babylollipoppy@yahoo.com with questions or comments.

That's an undercover email address for Snape if I ever saw one.

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THIS SITE IS DEVOTED TO THE MOST OUTSTANDING ACTOR AND MAN – ALAN RICKMAN! WE LOVE THIS CELESTIAL MAN, HE IS GREAT, WHATEVER HE PERFORMS. IT IS VERY DIFFICULT TO FIND SUCH PEOPLE, WHO LOVE HIM INDEED, BUT SOME OF THE FANS CAN SAY: "WE ADMIRE HIM TRULY, MADLY, DEEPLY!" THIS GROUP IS FOR SUCH BRILLIANT LADIES! ALSO WE SHALL DISCUSS SEVERUS SNAPE, SUCH A MYSTERY MAN!

YES I AGREE IT MUST BE VERY HARD TO FIND SLAVERING FEMALE FANS OF ALAN RICKMAN SINCE HE DOESN'T REALLY HAVE ALL THAT MANY OF THOSE DOES HE. AND THANK YOU FOR YELLING. I ENJOY IT TOO.

(p.s. "celestial"? must be thinking of the Metatron.)

( Read more... )

Disclaimer: Do not take too seriously. I am not necessarily saying the fics in question are bad ones. Sometimes they are horrible, but more often they are just mediocre, and sometimes quite okay, but they all had something in their summaries that I found goofy, misused, or amusing in some other way.

Bonus crack!ficlet in this one, but beware of puns. Please wear appropriate safety equipment to avoid lethal exposure.

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The afterlife of Severus Snape and other characters. This is a religious story, believe it or not, but Sev does go "down south," but I love him anyway: .

All right, "The Devil Went Down to Hogwarts"! I love this song!

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After years of believing that he was dead, Severus Snape is seen by none other than Hermione Granger.

Unfortunately, she happens to see him just donning his silvery, translucent dressing gown after a ghostly shower. Insert girly squeal here.

They easily become friends, and maybe even more.

"Easily"? Must be AU then.

How many chances can one man truly get?

Well, how much money did one man truly put up for casino chips?

( Read more... )

I think people have been doing better than usual lately, because it's taken me a while for me to build up even this many, and this only a half batch. (A full batch would be 10; I settled on that as a kind of standard to stop me building up huge pools of way-too-many, and now... this?)

Disclaimer: Do not take too seriously. I am not necessarily saying the fics in question are bad ones, but they had something in their summaries that I found goofy, misused, or amusing in some other way. Sometimes the fics are horrible, but most frequently they're simply mediocre, and occasionally there's a perfectly good one that just had a funny slip-up in the summary.

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Hermione is a cheaufur's daughter who is in love with the young son of the wealthy family they serve. A re-telling of the 1950's movie 'Sabrina' with your favorite Harry Potter charaters

cheaufur n. Someone who wears a plush suit in the design of a car-driving manservant.

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(The entire summary. This one's not bad, but I was too amused by this idea.)

Another fragment of Snape.

Awesome! I've almost got the whole set. Better start making that Sticking Solution to assemble them with...

( Bonus crack!ficlets at the end of this one. )

This is the kind of thought process that goes on in my diseased brainmeats:

1. Read a sentence in a fic which includes James and Sirius playing endless chess: "best two out of three became best three out of five, and on and on."

2. Snicker and connect this to the scene in Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey where Bill and Ted defeat Death not only once, but two out of three, three out of five, and on and on ("Best four out of seven?" "Damn right!").

3. Have horrifying vision.

4. Explain goggle-eyed expression to husband by saying "Does the phrase 'James S. Potter, esquire' mean anything to you?"

5. Elaborate unnecessarily by pointing out that many people have humourously conceived of the Marauders as being a rock band.

6. Utter in my best Keanu Reeves voice, "You see, dude, to pass our History of Magic OWL, we have to go back in time!"

7. Be somewhat soothed by the idea that this means Dumbledore will be played by George Carlin.

(sorry about the image quality)



But does it fly?

(sorry guys, wanted to change a little something in the poll.)

Poll #2981
Open to: All, results viewable to: All

Getting Snack fic ideas from "The Old Black Rum" is:

Snakebite and Black would be in poor taste for a birthday drink today.

I think I need serious help. I just filked an Oklahoma! song in a babb_chronicles post:

[the fic quote:] It was a beautiful day, Voldemort was dead, dead, dead!

There's a faint golden haze over Hogwarts,
There's a dawn-golden haze over Hogwarts
Tom got it all wrong 'bout that ol' Elder Wand
An' it looks like his downfall went just as was planned

Oh, what a beautiful mornin',
Oh, what a beautiful day.
I got a beautiful feelin'
Voldemort has died today.

All the students are standin' like statues,
All the house elves are standin' like statues
They don't turn their heads as they see me walk by,
But Neville Longbottom is winkin' his eye.

Oh, what a beautiful mornin',
Oh, what a beautiful day.
I got a beautiful feelin'
Voldemort has died today.

All those mem'ries from Snape in the Pensieve,
All those mem'ries from Snape in the Pensieve
They kind of disturbed me 'bout him an' my mum,
But I guess I could still name a kid after 'um!

Oh, what a beautiful mornin',
Oh, what a beautiful day.
I got a beautiful feelin'
Voldemort has died today.

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(In my defense, I have precedence within my own life. We did this musical in high school, and a few of the boys filked some of the songs and performed them at one of the cast parties. There was supposed to be some sort of Los Angeles theme, as I recall, which is pretty rich for a bunch of kids from the south San Francisco Bay. "There's a dark smoggy haze on the skyline..." is all I remember of this one. Better "Everything's Up to Date in Kansas City": "I counted twenty drive-bys in the neighbourhood / Every time I tried to push some pot / 'Nen I put my ear to a 900 number an' a strange womern started talkin' hot" "To you?" "What next!"...)