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Tue, Dec. 8th, 2009, 11:41 pm
s'more s'mmaries
Disclaimer: Do not take too seriously; I am not necessarily saying the fics in question are bad ones. Sometimes they are horrible, but more often they are just mediocre, and sometimes quite okay, but they all had something in their summaries that I found goofy, misused, or amusing in some other way. ----- Hermione and Draco are head boy and girl. Draco shows his other side. "Ooh... nice ass, Malfoy!" ----- Songfic. Gloomy Sunday Billie Holiday version . Sirius is dead, and Harry longs to be with him. Slash directly stated. M just in case. Depression, character death, suicide, depression, etc.Also angst, depression, ennui, unhappiness, and depression. Written by Marvin. (Fanfic, don't talk to me about fanfic...) ----- She didn't know that she would ever be called back, didn't know that her grandmother's status would ever come back and reflect upon her and she certainly didn't know that she could enthrall the Queen's Hound.Snausages: works every time. ( Read more... )
Tue, Dec. 1st, 2009, 11:48 pm
some o' them there summaries
Note: I unsubscribed from the full-HP feed on FFN that was giving me so much fodder. I just couldn't take it; ~900+ posts a week had me feeling overwhelmed and like this was a chore rather than something I did every now and then for fun. So I will still be making posts like this every so often as I do still have a feed set up for character=Severus Snape, but that's a much slower stream. Disclaimer: Do not take too seriously; I am not necessarily saying the fics in question are bad ones. Sometimes they are horrible, but more often they are just mediocre, and sometimes quite okay, but they all had something in their summaries that I found goofy, misused, or amusing in some other way. ----- harrys living in a mad world. but for how long?Depends on whether he makes friends with Randal McMurphy. ----- severus and harry are trapped in "la'trap" hotel and not sure why. but they were both dropped there with no clue as how to get out... it's going to be hell staying cooped up with each other..or is it?A name like "La Trap" wasn't a warning sign? ----- Harry Potter was Dead. Or at least, just as good as.Harry Potter was dead: to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. ----- ( Read more... )
Wed, Nov. 11th, 2009, 01:40 am
Disclaimer: Do not take too seriously; I am not necessarily saying the fics in question are bad ones. Sometimes they are horrible, but more often they are just mediocre, and sometimes quite okay, but they all had something in their summaries that I found goofy, misused, or amusing in some other way. ----- Oneshot, Hermione died and somebody has to pick up the pieces.Since the killer had used liquid nitrogen and a sledgehammer. ----- A new Fifth Year Girl has the Marauders of Hogwarts feeling nervous and unsafe. What is it about this new girl that has them feeling this way?Her .50 Desert Eagle? ----- Here is a story about Harry and his life it will be very AU starting in the muggle world. james and lilly are alive but has not raised harry. he was kidnapped by OC and will live with this man for some years. but he will know about magic slash .He's in for a treat, then, as those of us who already know about magic slash can tell! ----- ( Read more... )
Tue, Oct. 27th, 2009, 12:02 am
summaries du jour
Disclaimer: Do not take too seriously; I am not necessarily saying the fics in question are bad ones. Sometimes they are horrible, but more often they are just mediocre, and sometimes quite okay, but they all had something in their summaries that I found goofy, misused, or amusing in some other way. ----- (I appear to have lost the link to this one... oops) Rebecca Johnson is your worst nightmare. Sirius Black is every girl's dream boy. They say that opposites attact... but that's just one part of this couples' story.![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) elethian: So... Rebecca is the opposite of Sirius? And a Black is the opposite of a Johnson? enotsola: That's not the way I hear it. ----- Hogwarts newest 6th yr isn't all that she seems. Selene and Harry Ohhhh dear god KILL IT WITH FIRE. Selene Tournetquet, no less. (Hmm, suddenly I have a better idea than fire...) become best friends and as the year goes on find out about all of Dumbledore's manipulations. Soon Draco and his family will become involved with them. Pairing: Selene/Draco Harry/ secret Who's strong enough for a man, but made for Harry. ----- (please also note the title of this fic: Salviles Severus Salazar Tobias Prince Snape) This a story about Severus Snape and Febrir Snape's son. Fenrir Grayback is nice and not a werewolf and not a deatheater. And heck, just not Fenrir Greyback. Also i change his apprince and personality. He is considered a female so he can bear children like any female. Wouldn't it have been faster to start from scratch, rather than disassembling an existing character and putting him back together all backwards and upside-down? ( Read more... )
Thu, Oct. 15th, 2009, 01:51 am
summary is over. or hadn't you noticed?
Disclaimer: Do not take too seriously; I am not necessarily saying the fics in question are bad ones. Sometimes they are horrible, but more often they are just mediocre, and sometimes quite okay, but they all had something in their summaries that I found goofy, misused, or amusing in some other way. ----- Harry finds his true love in the most unlikely place. Will he be able to have the woman of his heart or will he be doomed to live a life of Unrequited Love. Sorry, Harry, but there's only room in this series for one dark-haired hero carrying a huge torch for an unattainable woman. ----- Just a small drabble set in Hermione's and Harry's Transfiguration class. Stupid. Well excuuuuse me! How was I supposed to know that without reading the summary? Talk about your hostile attitudes, sheesh. ----- heheheheheheheheheheh XD XD XD XD XDX DX DX XD XD XDX XD XD XD XDX DXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDDXXD Huh. I didn't know the Joker wrote Harry Potter fanfic. ( Read more... )
Tue, Sep. 22nd, 2009, 09:01 pm
because I actually trawled through like 400 stories on FFN today
Disclaimer: Do not take too seriously. I am not necessarily saying the fics in question are bad ones. Sometimes they are horrible, but more often they are just mediocre, and sometimes quite okay, but they all had something in their summaries that I found goofy, misused, or amusing in some other way. This issue features some assistance from my lovely husband enotsola. ----- Hermione Jean Granger is in reality Isabella Roseanna Dumbledore, the only grand daughter of Albus Dumbledore. Also known as Isabella Roseanne Roseannadanna Dumbledore.  In the summer before her fifth year, she was called into ihs office one day and asked to do the unthinkable and marry Severus Tobias Snape. Given how many fic authors and fangirls do apparently think about it... I do not think this word means what you think it means. and his middle name isn't Tobias dammit----- Kiki Suicide Rose goes to hogwarts skewl dna meets her new boi. see whjat happens as kiki tries to make ti through her seventh year at da skwel. Thank you for your interest, miss, but I'm afraid we are not seeking a replacement for My Immortal at this time. ----- harry comes back from the future to save the lifes of those that he loves; in progress When he gets that broom up to 88 miles an hour... ( Read more... )
Tue, Sep. 15th, 2009, 08:45 pm
i am plum out of puns on "summary"
Disclaimer: Do not take too seriously. I am not necessarily saying the fics in question are bad ones. Sometimes they are horrible, but more often they are just mediocre, and sometimes quite okay, but they all had something in their summaries that I found goofy, misused, or amusing in some other way. ----- After HBP. Hermione goes back to Hogwarts alone and looks for the hocruxes. Hocrux n. A magical artifact that contains a fragment of a witch's soul, enabling her to survive death so that she may continue to skank it up. See also Homione. ----- Hermione Severus Snape Triplets. Snape death pregnant Hermione one great story.Is William S. Burroughs doing cut-ups from fanfic now? thought to be dead, Snape comes back and finds out his wife, has kids that are his, but they are being raised by another man."Finds out"? Er... he does know how that must have happened, right? You see, when a wizard and a witch love each other very much... Uncle Draco what happens now?"What happens is that you go to sleep, young man. No more stories!" ----- (the entire summary) you may read it and not believe it, but don't Mary sue meOh, if only one could bring suit for such a thing. I can only imagine what Judge Judy would have to say about this! ( Read more... )
Wed, Sep. 2nd, 2009, 08:15 pm
weather forecast: end-of-summ(a/e)ry
Disclaimer: Do not take too seriously. I am not necessarily saying the fics in question are bad ones. Sometimes they are horrible, but more often they are just mediocre, and sometimes quite okay, but they all had something in their summaries that I found goofy, misused, or amusing in some other way. ----- (this isn't so bad, and I have to give props for the username "GrannyWeatherwax23", but still I'm amused by a slight misuse of word ending.) Lily Evans should be ecstatic. James Potter's gotten slightly less insufferable He's finally come in under her cap of 93% insufferability at the weekly review. (She knows some might think her policy is too strict, but a girl has to have her standards.) and slightly more charming if either is even possible and she's just been made Head Girl. So why does she look so...melancholic? Severus Snape should know. Because he's well versed in the theory of the humours. ----- (the entire summary) Marauder's map Mr Moony presents his compliments to the author, and begs her to remember that this has already been written. ----- Gold, enough gold for a lifetime, and life, enough life for all the gold. A mirror, a mirror which shows one's self, desire. And then there is gold, so much gold. Scrooge McDuck looks into the Mirror of Erised. ( Read more... )
Fri, Jul. 10th, 2009, 02:16 am
some summaries for the weekend
(yeah, weekend, since I have three-day weekends through Sept. 11. by force, but I have the vacation to cover it so I don't have to work 10-hour days the rest of the week. yay.) Disclaimer: Do not take too seriously. I am not necessarily saying the fics in question are bad ones. Sometimes they are horrible, but more often they are just mediocre, and sometimes quite okay, but they all had something in their summaries that I found goofy, misused, or amusing in some other way. ----- “Magic Severus, it does wonderful things.” *blinks* Did fanfiction.net turn into a sex toy shop when I wasn't looking? (...and do you think they take PayPal?) ----- For the summer before 5th year, Severus Snape is sent to Number 5 Privet Dr. to keep an eye on Harry Potter.Sounds like Mrs. Across-the-Street is in for quite a surprise. Nothing is more shocking than what he will see when he grudgingly takes this mission.Then again, maybe it's Severus who's in for one. ( Read more... )
Fri, Jun. 12th, 2009, 11:03 pm
summary solsticey
Disclaimer: Do not take too seriously. I am not necessarily saying the fics in question are bad ones. Sometimes they are horrible, but more often they are just mediocre, and sometimes quite okay, but they all had something in their summaries that I found goofy, misused, or amusing in some other way. ----- Hermione and snape are in a difficult position...i suck at summarys XD but enjoy!took me a couple of mins 2 do:"Marvellous; I have always wanted to perfect my Gordian knot impersonation." "Shut up." "Let the record show that it was your idea to enroll in this yoga class." "Shut up." "To St. Mungo's, then? It's a good thing one needn't move very much to Apparate." "Shut UP, potion face!" "I'm sure none of their experienced staff will give it a second thought when we materialize on their lobby floor like two fleshy, hairy pretzels." "I said SHUT UP, you insufferable dungeon-dwelling excuse for a bipedal bat!" ----- Deathly Hallows Spoilers:Severus Snape is still alive That's not a spoiler; that's a cosmic truth. when Lily speaks to him saying he must prepare a potion that brings her back to life. Yeah, that ought to work well on nearly-twenty-year-dead remains. What could possibly go wrong? ----- (the entire summary) Severus is becoming a dad!Er, it's an intriguing work, Herr Kafka, but may I make a few editorial suggestions...? ( Read more... )
Fri, May. 22nd, 2009, 01:45 am
some some summaries
Disclaimer: Do not take too seriously. I am not necessarily saying the fics in question are bad ones. Sometimes they are horrible, but more often they are just mediocre, and sometimes quite okay, but they all had something in their summaries that I found goofy, misused, or amusing in some other way. ----- Fanfiction is taken from Youtube's YunJae Shattered part's 1-5 by the talented r3dc1nc1n .Gesundheit. feel free to go look it up.I don't think that'll help. this story is centering around Severus SnapOh no he didn't! as the main character. everything else is up in the air. Ah, I see: Snaps on a Plan. ----- Severus wants Lily to notice him as more than a friend ...Can he make it? EDITING I know EDITING (!!!) would sure attract me to someone, but I'm a freaky Ravenclaw. If it's Lily he's after, Severus should probably try some other chat-up routine. ----- (the story's title) Well How Did We Get Here?Letting the days go by? Water flowing underground? My God! What have you done? I,Lily Luna Potter Am In Love With A Hero.But,I Have Never Heard Of Anyone Falling In Love With A Portrait.Sir Cadogan Really Is A Nice Fellow, Though. He Certainly Knows How To Treat A Lady. Every So Often We Have A Threesome With Phineas Which I Must Admit Took Me A While To Get Used To, But, Well, Let Me Just Say Slytherins Aren't Associated With Snakes For Nothing. ( Read more... )
Sun, May. 3rd, 2009, 12:27 am
Disclaimer: Do not take too seriously. I am not necessarily saying the fics in question are bad ones. Sometimes they are horrible, but more often they are just mediocre, and sometimes quite okay, but they all had something in their summaries that I found goofy, misused, or amusing in some other way. ----- (this doesn't seem that bad from the first chapter, but... yeah.) Trying to ease his guilt one night,Harry ends up getting possesed by a vengeful spirit.Tsk, tsk. We told him what would happen if he kept masturbating, but did he listen? With this ghost able to cause more damage than Peeves and just as uncooperative,how will the spirit be flushed out?I don't know, but I bet it involves Moaning Myrtle. ----- Harry finds out some rather unexpected news. Ron is a prat. Severus is OOC, well actually they probably all are...Yeah? And? Where's this "unexpected news" you were talking about? We're waiting. ( Read more... )
Tue, Apr. 14th, 2009, 09:42 pm
bizarre Yahoo groups descriptions
I am not really going to get started on this. For one thing, it is unlikely to be as endless a source of entertainment as summaries are (although I've so tagged this post anyway so I can find it with them). But I was browsing through some Yahoo groups today and came across quite a few ... interesting ... list descriptions. Keep in mind that like my summaries posts, whose source feed from FFN is narrowed considerably by requiring Severus Snape to be selected in one of the two character menus, the keyword here was "Snape", and I'm sure you could find many more both similar and worse if you tried the keyword "Harry Potter". ----- Welcome to Potions! I am Severus Snape. I am here to bewitch your mind and ensnare your senses. I can teach you to brew fame, bottle glory and even put a stopper on death. So, are you ready for the challenge? Contact me at babylollipoppy@yahoo.com with questions or comments.That's an undercover email address for Snape if I ever saw one. ----- THIS SITE IS DEVOTED TO THE MOST OUTSTANDING ACTOR AND MAN – ALAN RICKMAN! WE LOVE THIS CELESTIAL MAN, HE IS GREAT, WHATEVER HE PERFORMS. IT IS VERY DIFFICULT TO FIND SUCH PEOPLE, WHO LOVE HIM INDEED, BUT SOME OF THE FANS CAN SAY: "WE ADMIRE HIM TRULY, MADLY, DEEPLY!" THIS GROUP IS FOR SUCH BRILLIANT LADIES! ALSO WE SHALL DISCUSS SEVERUS SNAPE, SUCH A MYSTERY MAN!YES I AGREE IT MUST BE VERY HARD TO FIND SLAVERING FEMALE FANS OF ALAN RICKMAN SINCE HE DOESN'T REALLY HAVE ALL THAT MANY OF THOSE DOES HE. AND THANK YOU FOR YELLING. I ENJOY IT TOO. (p.s. "celestial"? must be thinking of the Metatron.) ( Read more... )
Tue, Apr. 14th, 2009, 12:41 am
summar-y, summar-ah, summar-y, summar-ah-ha-ha-ha...
Disclaimer: Do not take too seriously. I am not necessarily saying the fics in question are bad ones. Sometimes they are horrible, but more often they are just mediocre, and sometimes quite okay, but they all had something in their summaries that I found goofy, misused, or amusing in some other way. Bonus crack!ficlet in this one, but beware of puns. Please wear appropriate safety equipment to avoid lethal exposure. ----- The afterlife of Severus Snape and other characters. This is a religious story, believe it or not, but Sev does go "down south," but I love him anyway: .All right, "The Devil Went Down to Hogwarts"! I love this song! ----- After years of believing that he was dead, Severus Snape is seen by none other than Hermione Granger. Unfortunately, she happens to see him just donning his silvery, translucent dressing gown after a ghostly shower. Insert girly squeal here. They easily become friends, and maybe even more."Easily"? Must be AU then. How many chances can one man truly get?Well, how much money did one man truly put up for casino chips? ( Read more... )
Tue, Mar. 17th, 2009, 10:22 pm
summaries
I think people have been doing better than usual lately, because it's taken me a while for me to build up even this many, and this only a half batch. (A full batch would be 10; I settled on that as a kind of standard to stop me building up huge pools of way-too-many, and now... this?) Disclaimer: Do not take too seriously. I am not necessarily saying the fics in question are bad ones, but they had something in their summaries that I found goofy, misused, or amusing in some other way. Sometimes the fics are horrible, but most frequently they're simply mediocre, and occasionally there's a perfectly good one that just had a funny slip-up in the summary. ----- Hermione is a cheaufur's daughter who is in love with the young son of the wealthy family they serve. A re-telling of the 1950's movie 'Sabrina' with your favorite Harry Potter charaterscheaufur n. Someone who wears a plush suit in the design of a car-driving manservant. ----- (The entire summary. This one's not bad, but I was too amused by this idea.) Another fragment of Snape. Awesome! I've almost got the whole set. Better start making that Sticking Solution to assemble them with... ( Bonus crack!ficlets at the end of this one. )
Mon, Feb. 9th, 2009, 11:27 pm
I like to summarize, summarize
Disclaimer: Do not take too seriously. I am not necessarily saying the fics in question are bad ones, but they had something in their summaries that I found goofy, misused, or amusing in some other way. Sometimes the fics are horrible, but most frequently they're simply mediocre, and occasionally there's a perfectly good one that just had a funny slip-up in the summary. ----- Severus survives. He evaluates his life.Reads the paper and nearly chokes.Uh... Severus, love? That's not what's meant by "devouring" text... Can he ever show his face again?Somebody gives helping hand.He finds true love. Not infatuation like before.Rated M for language, no coarse words. Feelings. Same world, but AU.Um. I think it's time for another look at the definitions of "coarse words" and "AU". Also: is it me, or are they warning for "feelings"? Also also: the title of this fic is Future Snape. I know they mean well, but I can't help picturing this:  ( Read more... )
Wed, Jan. 21st, 2009, 11:27 pm
Disclaimer: Do not take too seriously. I am not necessarily saying the fics in question are bad ones (in particular, I think there are a few okay ones in this batch), but they had something in their summaries that I found goofy, misused, or amusing in some other way. Sometimes the fics are horrible, but most frequently they're simply mediocre, and occasionally there's a perfectly good one that just had a funny slip-up in the summary. ----- What if magic could bring the dead back?Young Severus Snape was a Slytherin who fell in love and had his heartbroken. He loved her and she knew it but she wanted a Gryffindor until she died.Now Snape's a Hogwarts teacher and she's back,but she's differentFortunately for him, in the afterlife she's decided she fancies Slytherins instead. ----- Saving the world and raising triplets is like mixing white and red; mostly, you end up flat on your face.Pink: ur doin it wrong. ----- Mr. Granger's closet gambling takes a precarious turn, Hermione finds herself caught up in the mysteries surrounding her former Potion's MasterYou know what they say: never bet on a dark storage cabinet. ( Read more... )
Sun, Dec. 28th, 2008, 07:45 pm
your post-Yule dose of summaries
Disclaimer: Do not take too seriously. I am not necessarily saying the fics in question are bad ones, but they had something in their summaries that I found goofy, misused, or amusing in some other way. Sometimes the fics are horrible, but most frequently they're simply mediocre, and occasionally there's a perfectly good one that just had a funny slip-up in the summary. ----- ONESHOT. SS/HG 'Christmas. Of all the holidays Snape hated most, Christmas was the number one. Now, it wasn’t because he was some grump who ‘bah-humbug-ed’ the Christmas Spirit, because Merlin knew that Snape was very full of Christmas cheer'...seeing as he owned the oldest wizarding distillery in Britain. ----- Severus thought that having to teach sexual education was bad enough, but, when the class number is found to be uneven, he finds himself in an even worse predicament: paired with Hermione Granger!No, no, no! Just put Granger in a threesome with Potter and Malfoy. ( Read more... )
Thu, Dec. 11th, 2008, 01:19 am
Disclaimer: Do not take too seriously. I am not necessarily saying the fics in question are bad ones, but they had something in their summaries that I found goofy, misused, or amusing in some other way. Sometimes the fics are horrible, but most frequently they're simply mediocre, and occasionally there's a perfectly good one that just had a funny slip-up in the summary. ----- HG/SS Oneshot! Hermione is pissed! Harry is toast.That's what you get if you cast while intoxicated. ----- written for Snape100 Ancite and Snupin Cynical slash implied and character deathCynical slash, hmmm... is that written on the premise that no matter what you do, all men are bastards? Wait, that's not cynical; that's true. Wait, that's kind of the definition of cynical. *asplode* JK Rowling still owns and gains for the Potterverse.No, no, she gains by the Potterverse. ----- Semi-AU After Snape dies he wakes in a world of mages and sorcerersYeah, now that's AU. where the mightiest of them all, the Sorceress, gives him the Seal of the Sorcerers,a powerful artifact. When he returns to the wizarding world, there is a darkness only he can dispelBecause only he has the matches. ( Read more... )
Wed, Nov. 5th, 2008, 11:57 pm
a few summaries, before they build up too much to handle!
Disclaimer: Do not take too seriously. I am not necessarily saying the fics in question are bad ones, but they had something in their summaries that I found goofy, misused, or amusing in some other way. Sometimes the fics are horrible, but most frequently they're simply mediocre, and occasionally there's a perfectly good one that just had a funny slip-up in the summary. ----- What happens when Harry recieves a mystery letter? Who will help him ease the pain? HPSS FatherSon relationship and OOC Snape. PG13 just to be safe."But -- but -- they said I might already be a winner! They lied to me! They lied!" "There, there, Harry my lad. Now you tell your Da' all about it..." ----- Snape & Hermione. Could anything happen between them? I think so...Oh, I daresay: aggravation, antagonism, annoyance... and that's just the As! ( Read more... )
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frustrated